This project has forced me to eat many, many items in the vending machine that I would normally avoid like the plague. In most cases, these are products that no sane individual would put into their mouth, which is why it has fallen to me. But some are items I avoid because I love them too much, and don’t want to get The Addiction.
You know, like these:
Actually, these I can resist. But back when slot 154 held Hostess Donette Crunch … yeah, that was bad. They appeared in the machine so rarely that, whenever I saw them, I would purchase all available and squirrel them away in my workspace. This proved to be a problem during the month or so when, for whatever reason, Hostess Donette Crunch was reappearing in the machine every morning. It got until my office could have been featured in the pilot of Pastry Hoarders.
But all things must come to an end (except for the 13 lbs. I gained while eating 24 Donettes daily, it seems), and the chocolate ones eventually returned. I carried on with these for a bit, but it was like dating the homely sister to your true love: you see the resemblance but it’s just not the same, and after each encounter you have to lick chocolate off your fingers (don’t ask).
Rating: Pretty much every element of these is a little off. The core is dry and flavorless; the “frosting” is waxy, as if someone aggressively colored the pastry portion with a brown, chocolate-scented crayon. In short, they are exactly what they are: not real donuts, but a passable substitute for same. Judged by that standard they are a raging success. But, objectively, these are less Lord of the Rings and more Willow. 75ยข/$1
