With my factually-correct denunciation of cashews continuing to raise hackles, this is a poor time for me to opine on the merits of almonds. Alas, the vagaries of “random selection”give me no choice. Lady Luck seems determined to get her nuts into my hands.
Only three natural items in the machine and I get two of them in the first week. It’s going to be a long, heavily-processed slog from here.
Fortunately the extraordinary health benefits of Blue Diamond Wasabi & Soy Sauce Almonds, as itemized on the back of the package, should see me through to the end:
Scientific evidence suggests, but does not prove, that eating 1.5 ounces per day of most nuts, such as almonds, as part of a diet low in saturated fat and cholesterol, may reduce the risk of heart disease.
Jeezum crow, that’s like a national convention of weasel words right there (“AmbivilaCon XXII!”). You’d reckon some Blue Diamond lawyer got $800/hr to cough out that convoluted string of meaningless boilerplate but, no, it actually comes straight from the FDA’s list of Qualified Health Claims.
(It’s hard to pick a favorite off that FDA page, but “One study suggests that consuming tomatoes does not reduce the risk of pancreatic cancer, but one weaker, more limited study suggests that consuming tomatoes may reduce this risk” is in the top 3 for sure. I bet the members of the American Association of Tomato Growers were popping champagne corks when that was unveiled.)
Rating: The “Wasabi & Soy Sauce” seasoning is fairly muted, but overpowers the blandness of almonds anyway. Protip: if you want the original flavor of your snack to stand out, do not coat it with something specifically engineered to mask the taste of raw fish.
Not that I’m necessarily complaining–I like Wasabi, so this is right up my alley. True, much of my fondness for Wasabi comes from watching my wife consume it, as she is habitually puts too much on her nigiri and follows every bite with a hilarious bout of face-flushing and hand-flapping and just-below-the-eyes-sweating. And that aspect is lamentably absent here. But at least these don’t end with me getting stabbed in the neck with a chopstick for laughing. 80¢/$1.