Goldfish Mix-Up Adventures consists of regular- and pretzel-flavored goldfish crackers. That’s pretty much it. But if you were to base your analysis on the bag design, you might conclude that you had purchased a Knott’s Berry Farm ride or super-rad virtual reality video game as seen in an 80′s-era Corey Haim film.
That’s right, the regular goldfish is named “Xtreme”. Also, it is apparently both “Flavor Blasted” and “Xtra Cheddar”. (“Pepperidge Farms: We Skimp On E’s and Pass the Saving On To U!”) The marketing guys kind of ran wild on this one. Seriously, this is like “Poochie: The Snack”.
And it’s not at all clear who or what is having the titular adventures. Hell, I’m not even sure what would constitute an “adventure” in this instance. Like, a text adventure?
GOLDFISH MIX-UP ADVENTURES Copyright (c) 2010, Pepperidge Farms. All rights reserved. Revision 88 / Serial number 840726 Vending Machine You are a delicious snack cracker sealed inside a 2.25 oz (64g) bag. It is dark here. You are likely to be eaten by a dude.
Rating: I enjoy pretzels, don’t get me wrong. But I love goldfish. So this like when you go to hang out with your best friend, but he brings along his new SO, and then you have to divide your attention between Real Friend and Friend-By-Proxy. Kind of a drag.
Plus, I’m not at all sure that this relationship is going to work, long-term. I mean, look at the combined accumulation of possessions that resulted when they moved in together–these guys have nothing in common!
Man, that’s going to be a bitter separation when things go south. Weeks and weeks of squabbling over who gets to keep the torula yeast.
Anyway, I’m just going to average my rating for goldfish (90¢) and pretzels (70¢), and then take back a nickle because this made me think of Corey Haim. 75¢/$1.
“…eaten by a dude.” I just about died laughing there. Zork FTW!
hahaha. “MADE WITH SMILES” could you taste the lies?
Really, no mention at all of the idiotic “made with smiles and…”? Maybe it’s too obvious.
Just think of the hideous factory where people are forced to smile whilst making goldfish-shaped snacks.
Exactly how are you randomizing your selections?
Will anything be rated above a dollar? I’ll stay tuned!
“You are likely to be eaten by a dude.” Hah! I’m still giggling about this. I’m such a geek.
Gotta applaud the Zork reference in a vending machine blog. This is awesome.
This makes up for the ill-advised cashew bashing.
Give me the classic cheddar Goldfish any day. I bought the flavor-blasted once, and was so bitterly disappointed with the Doritos-like taste that I wrote a letter. Goldfish are supposed to be wholesome snacks, even though they’re not. They’re supposed to seem wholesome at least.
I’m impressed that the only “E” in the phrase “We Skimp On E’s and Pass the Saving On To U!” is the demonstrative “E”. How long did it take you to write that?
yessir! juice just came outta my nose on the zork reference. i think i’m in love. : )