My grandfather was an unapologetic smoker. He had a closet full of Lucky Strikes and a sign above his desk that read “THANK YOU FOR HOLDING YOUR BREATH WHILE I SMOKE”. His doctors continually told him to knock it off, and he said no, and that was the end of that.
Consequentially, while I’ve never smoked myself, I’ve also never begrudged anyone else for doing so. Except for one category of people: those who smoke and apologize for it, or who alternate between drags and promises that they are going to quit soon. I inherited my position on this matter from Grandpa: if you’re going to have a vice, either do it and enjoy it or don’t do it at all.
I kind of feel the same way about the savory snacks in this machine, all of which seem utterly chagrined to be delicious. I’ve already mentioned how the Chex Mix features a trumped-up claim of low-fatitude but, really, there nary a bag of anything in there that doesn’t promise low this or 0 mg. of that or a full serving of whole grains.
As far as I’m concerned, that’s a big selling point for candy. It’s crap, and it’s proud.
See that? “caramel * milk chocolate”. And “Calories 250″. That’s more like it. Tell me what ya got, not what you got 1/3 less of.
The back is even more explicit:
Jeezum crow. If this candy bar was any more revealing it would have a leaked sex tape on the Internet.
Rating: Twix bills itself as a “cookie”, and I’m not 100% sure I like caramel in a cookie. If I was a gourmand I would probably attribute this unease to “mouthfeel” but, given that I’ve pledged to devote eight weeks to vending machine food, I think we can safely rule “gourmand” out.
Twix is also, while tasty, rather generic. I mean, putting milk chocolate and caramel in your candy bar is like putting explosions and Megan Fox in your film: enjoyable on a basic level, but not really worth a trip to the cinema. If Twix were a movie I’d probably just eat a pirated torrent of it. 70¢/$1.